Comment Articles

A witch's guide to safe computing

David Coursey ZDNet.com

Published: 01 Sep 2003 12:30 BST

Over the past couple of weeks, I've written twice (first here, then here) about my ongoing frustrations with Microsoft Windows.

What have I learned in the process of writing these columns? Among other things, I've learned that the word "hell" included in an email subject line will make it through most people's spam filters. ("Sex" won't, which is one reason we don't write about it much on AnchorDesk; I'll definitely have to can those Viagra columns.)

More importantly, I've learned that I'm not alone in my personal Windows hell. You've shared your own tales of woe and offered me some valuable, advanced troubleshooting advice. I've also discovered that some people consider Windows to be the work of the devil -- literally.

I'm not going quite that far, though I've often considered the possibility that my PC had been taken over by some malevolent spirit intent on driving me nuts. Turns out I'm not the only one who contemplates his computer's spiritual life.

As evidence, I'd like to quote from a recent article in Popular Science, one of my favourite magazines, which in turn quotes from newWitch magazine (slogan: "Not your mother's broomstick").

Herewith newWitch's Wiccan words of wisdom to its computer-using readers, along with my commentary on same:

"Because the physical hard drive is a conduit for a unique type of energy, it is possible for nature spirits (called vaettir) to take up residence within it."

I've often suspected that my computer had a life of its own. But do vaettir qualify as artificial intelligence?

"Do not curse, yell, smack, or otherwise vent your anger on your computer. Most vaettir are extremely sensitive to emotions."

In the future, I promise to leave the room when the computer drives me over the line, lest I hurt its sensitive feelings -- or its metal case.